Document 13: A Dystopian Tale, Part 11

Here is Part 11 of “Document 13”, a dystopian graphic novel I’m creating with my daughter. This week: It moved!

Love it? Hate it? I welcome any and all feedback!

The year is 2074, the world has been plunged into darkness. One girl, Sarah Doe, will learn the secrets of the dark forces that run the ruined world. With the help of a few friends, her family, and her own powers she will fight to return the world to an order not known since well before her birth. Will she succeed? Read to find out!

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Scene: Interior hallway. The orderlies are pushing two gurneys towards a large door.

O1: It’s been awhile since we fired this up. We don’t have much time before morning, let’s hope it works still.

He switches on the incinerator.

O1: Alright, just a few minutes and it should be hot enough.

One of the sheets on a gurney moves.

O2: Did you see that?

O1: See what?

O2: It moved!

O1: You’re nuts. They’re dead.

O2: We gotta push them in, bodies creep me out…

O1: Alright, let’s go.

One of the sheets moves again. Sarah moans.

O1: Shit ! What the hell? No one survives outside! We gotta push her in the oven first.

They push the gurney to the oven opening and open the door.
Sarah sits up. She sees what they are about to do. She quickly rolls off the gurney and struggles with the orderlies, knocking one of them towards the incinerator door. His hand goes into the fire.

O1: Aggghh!!!

S: Get off of me!!

O2 lets go of Sarah and rushes to 01. Sarah runs away.

O1: Get her! My arm is not as important as my life!

O2 runs after Sarah.

She manages to make it outside the building but trips and falls just before the airlock door. Orderly 2 catches up and they struggle. The headmistress appears.

HM: What is this?! I thought I told you to dispose of her !

O2: I don’t know, she woke up!

HM: I don’t know what is going on, but you’ve become a real liability around here, Sarah. I may have one last option. Orderly, load her in the transport and take her to the lab.

---

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Photographic Catharsis

Catharsis. It’s such a rare beast. Of all the experiences I have ever experienced it seems to be the most endangered and the most short lived.

I’ve been pent up as of late. Old patterns of self-hatred have been rearing their ugly heads. Of course to distract my brain I drowned myself in beer and new projects.

The beer made the patterns more pronounced, the projects just created new negative emotions about all the projects yet to do. I want to do a million things and all that desire just eggs on the anxiety.

“You never see things through. Don’t start something new.”

“Where’s the profit in this? You’re spending money you’ll never make back.”

“There’s so many ways to get where you want to be. Why can’t you just find them?”

“Where do you even want to go?”

“This isn’t the life you wanted. You’re a failure.”

I bought cameras. I made cyanotypes. I made t shirts. I posted posts. I bought film (which I’m now terrified to use). I bought an adapter and a controller and two games for my old Nintendo 64. I ordered prints. I dug out old treasures from the closet.

Each and every time I hoped something would give me a little punch of endorphins that would push my negative thoughts and emotions out for good.

Nope.

But a few days ago I did find something that made me pause and *almost* crest that hill of tears.

As I’ve gotten deeper into photography I’ve started looking back through my old portfolio trying to find the gems. Unconsciously, I was also seeking some validation that perhaps I’m getting better. I don’t know about the latter (photography has its ups and downs) but I have found a lot of gems.

After listening to a podcast about street photography I remembered taking candid shots of a concert I attended just before the pandemic hit. At the time, the world was about to lose such experiences. I was about to lose my wife. She had already signed a rental agreement and at the time I was teetering on accepting her choice. The future was bleak for me, and for the rest of the world as well, though they didn’t know it.

I scrolled back through to that night, February 28th, 2020. The concert was at Jackrabbits in Jacksonville, FL. The acts performing were local: Hensley, Yellow Steve, Denver Hall, and Faze Wave. I went primarily for Hensley and Faze Wave as I had seen them before at Raindogs, but after this night I was a fan of all the acts.

Seeing that world in photographs smacked me so hard.

A world without social distancing. A world without masks. A world where people were just people, all colors, all ages, just enjoying a night out. This really was the last hurrah in a lot of ways.

And for me it was such a last gasp. I never even noticed the pandemic. My life completely fell apart and I didn’t have time to waste on the world outside. I wouldn’t even recognize the man who took these photos. He probably would despise me, and I envy him. He was as oblivious as the crowd was.

So many feelings broke loose looking at these. The very memories are tainted. But I saw the world through those past eyes. It’s a vision that eludes me right now.

I want to see that world again. To have those eyes again. But I can’t. I am a different person and the world has changed around me.

Is this catharsis? Have I purged the negative thoughts and emotions? I’m still working on it. Looking back seems to be one of the best ways to look forward. I see where I was. I see where the world was. Maybe some of that “innocence” is still there.

Even though I have been to many concerts and social events since, none of them quite have the feel of that particular time and place. Perhaps it’s my jaundiced emotions that make modern experiences less enjoyable. Perhaps the world truly *is* different. Either way, I’ll keep searching for that old world feel.

As for my emotional constipation, I don’t have to keep chasing newer and better things. However, there is nothing wrong with trying new and different things. They may not spark permanent joy, but they are worth doing, and doing as well as I can.

Perhaps in doing new things well, I’ll finally break the clog. If not, at least I’ll have fun right?

---

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Idols

Idols fall one by one.

Purged by a loving God.

Ripped from my heart

Like a barbed hook.

I see them sitting

On the shelf of my heart

Demanding sacrifice

Wanting my soul

With every look.

I am consumed

Taken

And eaten alive.

Shoveled into the mouths

Of those which cannot speak

Or hear my screams.

Never satisfied

They offer no mercy

Feasting endlessly

On my bones.

I am blind

I see but a few

In darkness they reside

Churned ceaselessly

From my heart inside.

Some grotesque

Some veiled in beauty

Large and small

All with one goal:

To destroy me.

Hour by hour

I require delivery

Safety

A shield

A Savior from the wretched mouths

Of these wicked beasts

Of my own making.

Little gods

Insatiable

Built in my heart

Pernicious

Obstinate

Devouring my time

My thoughts

My energy,

Replacing what is good

With the less than

And the outright evil.

Tumult and Chaos

Tumult and Chaos,

Textures and noise,

Overwhelmed with the beauty

Found in the disasters

Of life.

No peace

But still calm

Sitting in the drowning

Stress of days

Spent wandering.

Tumult and chaos,

Textures and noise,

Overwhelmed but still standing

Walking on the edge

Of life.

All for naught

Or is it?

Surely time in a crucible

Can’t turn us out

Worse than before.

Tumult and Chaos,

Textures and noise.

Overwhelmed but listening

For the small voice

Of Christ.

All photos taken with a Canon D5500 with the “Night Vision” setting and resized with Picsart.

Music and Art Monday, March 18, 2019: Christians And Art

Colors Chosen By A Two Year Old, Acrylic on Paper

I’ve been around a long enough time to read various Christian perspectives on art. They range from the benign to the downright vicious, especially when it comes to Modern Art.

Many Christians believe that art should be representative of the world. They believe art should copy the world and tell a story, usually moral in nature. They seem to believe that the only true art is classical art and anything that reeks of modernity is uncivilized and probably anti-Christian. Many think that art says a lot about worldview. Somehow, if you see the world as an abstract you must see the world in a nihilistic way.

Why does art have to tell a story? Why does it have to “mean” something? Why does it have to perfectly represent the subject as the subject is? If one wants a perfect copy of an object why not take a photograph?

To me, art should capture the emotion of something. Form is important, I definitely need to work on capturing form, but emotion is equally important. It is important to capture the essence of the subject, whether your medium is paint or film or clay.

Perhaps this is why I have a difficult time with seated poses. How much emotion can be conveyed by a sitting body? Maybe the emotion comes not from the subject but from the artist. The artist must project his emotions onto a subject as he would a light, and then capture the reflection, without losing the form in the process. Or maybe the reflection comes back in pieces and is copied in the abstract.

Queen, Oil on Canvas, 2018

Either way, is that capture “immoral”? Is is immoral to disassemble reality and put it back together in an imperfect way? Disassembled emotions are not nihilistic. Breaking down objects into their various parts and reassembling them in ways which do not reflect reality is not denying reality.

In fact, I would argue that perhaps it reflects reality far better than some hyper-realistic painting of an idealized subject. Reality is messy, reality is emotional, reality is imperfect. We do not live in Eden anymore. To capture our world as it really is is to show the blemishes and the oddities and at times the harshness of it all.

Sure, there is a time for capturing idealized images of beauty. There is definitely a place for “realism” and capturing form exactly as it is. I respect and admire the painter who can perfectly copy the world as it is. But without emotion is it really art?

Even playing with the reality of a photo can put a bit more emotion into it.

Christians should be the best at capturing both the world as it is and the world as it should be. We should not be shunning the opportunity to show the world reality through the lense of the Law and the Gospel. We should not fear our emotions and feelings about the world around us, instead we should embrace them and capture them with art to display them to the world. Our art should, like all of our activities, inspire people to ask us about the hope that is within us.

Christians should embrace the visual arts, and all arts, both to share the Gospel and to make this world a bit more beautiful in the process.

Music and Art Monday, January 28th, 2019: Jacksonville’s Visual Artists

This is “Music and Art Monday” , not just “Music Monday”. So where has the art been?

Jacksonville is not just a city churning out great bands and soloists, visual artists are also busy creating beautiful works every day in this town. This week I decided to take a break from my local music reviews to introduce you to some of the local visual artists that I have the pleasure of knowing and frequently working alongside of.

Trough Happiness

First up is Annelies Dykgraff, from The Art Center Cooperative. She organizes the figure drawing sessions that first got me hooked. She grew up with missionary parents in Nigeria and much of her work shows that influence.

https://www.instagram.com/anneliesdykgraaf/

Self portrait

Second up is the artist who organizes the current Wednesday night figure sessions at Raindogs. Kevin Arthur is a part of the Art League of Jacksonville and has done extensive work within the Jacksonville art community. He specializes in portraiture and figures and has a style I find particularly pleasing. https://www.instagram.com/kevarth/

Jef Taylor’s Life Drawings

Jef Taylor is another member of The Art Center Cooperative. He is fun to watch work and is always quick to joke that his work is “just squiggly lines”. Out of those squiggly lines come some pretty cool images though!

 

Kevin (Arthur), stolen from Marji’s Instagram 🙂

The next artist is a self-described amateur who I think does wonderful work, especially given that she’s only been working on her technique for a few short years. Marji (I have no idea what her last name is) works mainly in pastels doing awesome portraits. Her son is also the horn player for Viewers Like You, a fact that she is quite proud to tell. https://www.instagram.com/marjiol/

From the series “Vibrations”
Anna Miller not only makes great art, she also breeds adorable puppies. And she is a great conversationalist. And eventually I will get some lessons in drawing hands from her.
https://www.facebook.com/amilarte/

Mother and Child, Oil on Canvas

Last but not least is Justin Drosten, whom I only recently became acquainted with. Justin draws a lot of inspiration from Medieval works. He claims not to be too good at figures. I beg to differ. https://www.instagram.com/jdrosten/

Prone, Acrylic on Paper, 2018

Actually, I will be last, go check out my art site: https://driptorchstudio.wordpress.com

All of the works above were snatched from the interwebs. If you are mentioned above and prefer me not to share these, please let me know. But I admire you all and your work as well.

Next week is a gamble, could be art, could be music. Stay tuned!

If you like my blogs/paintings/photography, please like and follow me! Follow me on Facebook! Check out my Steemit page for more content also.
Many of my images are available as prints on my Artpal page

Dailyish Thoughts #92

I have missed art. Running myself ragged everyday has left little time to sit still and focus on capturing an image with paint or pencil. Writing posts is nothing like sitting still for awhile and just focusing on an object and studying it’s lines and shapes and trying to interpret them onto paper.

We learned about driver fatigue today in bus training. I have spent so much of my recent life fatigued and I didn’t even realize it. Every symptom of fatigue they described was something I have felt on a daily basis for years. Long term fatigue is dangerous to physical and mental health. Sometimes you just have to shut down your life and take a nap. Don’t be afraid that life is going to pass you by while you sleep, it will be much easier to keep up with if you are rested.

So this weekend is a break for me, at least from the stress of trying to make money. I need to catch up on the house and yard work I have been avoiding.

Eek, there is so much!

Oh, and while I have your attention, please check out this GoFundMe from a Facebook acquaintance and consider giving:

https://www.gofundme.com/u7wjs-adoption-of-run-lin

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Music and Art Monday: Why Create?

There are probably millions of people who paint out there. Millions more who write songs, and millions more than that who make some other kind of craft. Huge quantities of objects and notes are created and pumped into the world.

How much of this ends up dumped in trash cans or fireplaces or never heard again once that person is gone?

Several years ago I found an oil painting next to someone’s trash pile. It was slightly damaged but I felt compelled to save it. A search of the internet found the artist to be from Africa and active in the 70’s. He wasn’t well known but his art all had a particular style to it. I think my wife has since thrown the painting away.

Will my creations end up in someone’s trash? Will it ever make it onto someone’s wall who did not inherent it from my children? Will they even care to pass it on?

And what happens at the end of it all? Everything we have made will just burn away to dust. What’s the point of making anything if nothing is forever?

Everyone wants to make a legacy. We all want to be remembered for something after our physical presence is gone. We want to pass on something that we can be known for. That’s probably the most basic reason why we create.

We are also commanded to. Part of taking dominion of the earth as ordered in Genesis is making the world a more beautiful place. I think this is especially important in the world after the Fall. Sin has made the world an ugly place. Why not use our God given creativity to improve it and make it a little less miserable this side of eternity?

And speaking of eternity, wouldn’t it be cool if our works in this life were just a preparation for our works in the next? Maybe I’ll actually be a decent painter on the New Earth.

That would be fun.

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Music and Art Monday, August 27th, 2018: Recent Work

It’s been a slow week here. I’m kinda having a bit of writer’s block. I’ve also had painter’s block as well. The only way I have found to bust through that has been to insist on doing a little bit every day.

Here are some recent bust throughs:

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Music and Art Monday, August 20th,2018: Digital Art

Process is key for all art forms, whether it is painting or drawing or taking good pictures. One of my favorite types of art is digital art. With digital art the only real limits are your imagination and your software.

Most people use Photoshop for their digital art. While I have played around with free versions and pirated copies I never got to use it in all it’s fullness. I liked what I saw but I can’t give a proper review of it.

There was a program years ago that I used on the pc. I lost it when we upgraded and have long since forgotten the name of it. I made a ton of images on it. Here are a few:

The program I use most often currently is PicsArt. It’s a phone app but it is pretty powerful. Unlike most phone apps I have used it comes with much much more than just filters. You can crop, you can create stickers for later use, you can edit light, color, clarity, and many other photo elements.

The results aren’t as fun as the pc programs but they can still be fun:

I am hoping that once I get back to a real house with a pc I can find a program that matches the power of Photoshop without the expense. Any digital artists out there have suggestions?

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Many of my images are available as prints on my Artpal page